Apparently, the zombie apocalypse poses an existential to humanity threat that is worth taking seriously. That is at least according to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), which launched a zombie initiative a few years ago that received a flurry of attention on the web. The entire course, dubbed CONPLAN888, was declassified recently, and is just as strange as one would expect.
The Black Vault published two documents from the National Security Agency (NSA) using the Freedom of Information Act, which details how the United States Strategic Command (USSTRATCOM) would respond to a zombie takeover. The report emphasizes that it was not drafted as a joke. Instead, it used a hypothetical scenario to shed light on how to respond to real world emergencies.
Preserving human life is among the government’s top priority in wake of a zombie apocalypse, according to the document. The report reads:
“The training focuses on how to] undertake military operations to preserve ‘non-zombie’ humans from the threats posed by a zombie horde. Because zombies pose a threat to all ‘non-zombie’ human life (hereafter referred to as ‘humans’), USSTRATCOM will be prepared to preserve the sanctity of human life and conduct operations in support of any human population-including traditional adversaries.”
The government’s threefold plan to neutralize zombies include denial, deception, disruption, degradation or destruction. Excluding the word “destruction,” it is uncertain what these terms mean in this context.
50 shades of zombie
The report goes on to highlight all the different types of possible zombies, encompassing eight in total. These include:
- Pathogenic zombies created by being infected by a viral or bacterial contagion.
- Radiation zombies created by being exposed to electromagnetic or particle radiation.
- Evil magic zombies created by occult experimentation.
- Space zombies created by extraterrestrial toxins, including zombie “satellites” that might threaten SATCOM services.
- Weaponized zombies engineered through biotechnology for the purpose of attacking other nations.
- Symbiant-induced zombies created by the “introduction of a symbiant life form into an otherwise healthy host” (see: “zombie fungus”).
- Vegetarian zombies that ravage plant life, possibly causing “massive de-forestation or elimination of basic food crops essential to humans.”
- Chicken zombies that manifest from old hens that are euthanized with carbon monoxide when they are no longer able to lay eggs, but that somehow survive and seem to come back to life as zombie-like creatures.
Government will declare martial law in zombie apocalypse
On a more serious note, the report states the U.S. government would likely declare martial law if such an apocalyptic scenario were to unfold.
In the event that an evil corporation releases zombie pathogens onto the masses, the government advises citizens to use plenty of hand sanitizer and to shoot the walking corpses in the head.
The report reads that “the human brain will still be functioning in the zombie state, but it is universally agreed that the only part actually active will be the brain stem” and that zombies are “undead and thus feel no pain or fear of death, (therefore) riot control counter-measures would be completely ineffective.”
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